how being unemployed is saving me money

So I was doing my daily blog scrolling today over a nice mug of hobo vodka and squirt (what? I don’t have a job, no need for me to be sober today!) and clicked on BetheBoy’s financial advice column for today. Not only did I understand completely how it feels to be in financial dire straights, but I also know what it’s like trying to decide what you’re going to cut back on in order to make ends meet.

I decided to cut back on work.

Okay, okay I didn’t decide that. Some asshole suit down in Los Angeles who’s only met me once decided that I shouldn’t go to work anymore because I was too expensive. But really, I digress…

Its true though, I don’t spend nearly as much money now that I’m unemployed. Let me take you through my plan and show you how unemployment can save you some much needed scratch in these very trying financial times.

Gas Money:
Gas is flippin expensive these days. I honestly don’t know how much gas costs in my area right this second because I haven’t bought any in about three weeks. That’s right, I went from gassing up my car every few days to make the five mile trek to the office to not buying gas since I came home from my big adventure three weeks ago. I rarely go anywhere that I can not walk to. In fact I pretty much only drive my car to go grocery shopping out of town. It’s my estimate that I have saved about 200 dollars by not going to work in gas money ALONE! Score one for unemployment.

Food
When I was working, I worked IMPOSSIBLE hours some days. My working a 12 hour long day for no extra pay was not only not unusual it was expected at least twice a week. When you work hours like that, you pretty much depend on prepared food to sustain your ass. So even eating on the bargin menu (almost impossible with my dietary needs) for every meal is going to cost you at least 15 dollars a day, if not more. I haven’t worked since September 5th. Think about all the money I’ve saved not needing to pick up a fast food or deli meal. I’ve done some grocery shopping and do all my eating at home right now. I’ve even found time to start a cooking blog, chronicaling some of the new things I’ve been making in my now very clean kitchen.

Socializing
When the only people you see all day are your psychotic hobo neighbors, your boyfriend and your cat, you don’t get invited out much to do things which require money. When you don’t have co-workers you don’t have to worry so much about happy hours or going out to lunch at places you can’t afford. If you don’t see people, they can’t invite you to theme parties where you need to spend cash on a costume or cocktail parties where they expect you to front the booze. Also if you don’t have to call anyone or talk to people, look at all the rollover minutes you’ll save on your cell phone plan. People = money sucking life forms. By avoiding contact with the outside world, you will indeed save money!

Drinking
Since I no longer work for a bunch of morons I don’t have to come every day and kill my brain in order to go to sleep. This was pretty much a NEED when I worked. I would come home FURIOUS and amped up about some new idiotic thing they were doing over there at the Chip Factory and the only way The Boyfriend could shut me up was to stuff 8 gallons of hobo vodka into my face and park me in front of the internets until I was done being pissed. I must be saving money there some how. I’m sure of it!

laundry
As I mentioned before the only people who see me on a daily basis now are my hobo neighbors, the boyfriend and my cat. None of these people care that I work in my PJs and don’t put on a fresh fancy business casual outfit every day. In fact if I want to stay in my kimono and write in the yard all day, I totally can. Or live in my bikini. Because no one is here and no one cares! The cat is actually overjoyed because she doesn’t have to waste all of her time putting her hair back on my clothes after I’ve wasted quarters to wash them that I could’ve been buying hobo vodka with.

water
Some people aren’t familiar with this concept but where I live we have to pay for water. It’s the first house I’ve ever had that water isn’t just, you know, free. So we have a certain amount of water we can use a month for a flat rate and then it goes up. Since I don’t really feel the need to get out of my PJs on certain days, I definately don’t feel the need to waste water taking a shower every day, especially when I haven’t done anything to get dirty. Besides we have hard water here and its hell on your skin. So because I don’t need to have a wake up shower every day, I’m saving water and therefor saving money.

natural gas
All that saving water business also goes along with saving gas. See our hot water heater runs on Natural Gas, which is great! But if I don’t have to fire it up every day for a 30 minute “please god don’t make me get out of this shower because then I’ll have to go to work” shower, think of all the fuel I must be saving. More money in the bank for me.

Unemployment: It’s boring as hell and frustrating like you wouldn’t believe but it seems to be a sound money saving venture in today’s horrible economy. And I can drink hobo vodka and squirt for breakfast! Score one for me!